Hey All!
Ok, so I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. I've been having a rough time of it. I am okay though. Don't worry. Actually, do worry. Worry hard enough you will come back to me. That you will click follow, just to see if I live to post another day.
I have started reading, reading like there is no tomorrow, Even at this moment I have a book open in front of me. Forever by Alison Noel. I have just finished reading the first two books of the house of Night series, Marked then Betrayed. Chosen is being ordered in by my local library. I am also currently reading P!nk's biography and Longman's German Guide. I have finished reading Marilyn Manson's Auto Biography I sure read allot. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe not. I don't care. I can emerge myself in another world. Loose all worries, loose all fears. The release of a story world is one I will forever adore.
I have also been righting allot of poetry. Some I may share here. Just not now. I need some more inspiration though. Any ideas people?
Anyway, in the words of great looney tunes That's all folks ;)
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Thursday 25 March 2010
Hallo
Hej All!
Well.. What's new? Hmmm... I am now taking GCSE German. Hence the German title today :D Spookje and PezMeister got back together. I'm not annoyed as such, more hurt. I love him. But he loves her. So I am happy for him. Because, when it comes to it. That's all that really matters to me.
I am now friends with TheJoker once again. Lol... My 'true hatred' of him seems to disappear when I see him. My head says hate him. My heart says "Remember his touch" Bloody annoying.
Oh well. That's all really. Bye bye
www.bubblemad.com
Well.. What's new? Hmmm... I am now taking GCSE German. Hence the German title today :D Spookje and PezMeister got back together. I'm not annoyed as such, more hurt. I love him. But he loves her. So I am happy for him. Because, when it comes to it. That's all that really matters to me.
I am now friends with TheJoker once again. Lol... My 'true hatred' of him seems to disappear when I see him. My head says hate him. My heart says "Remember his touch" Bloody annoying.
Oh well. That's all really. Bye bye
www.bubblemad.com
Hallo
Hej All!
Well.. What's new? Hmmm... I am now taking GCSE German. Hence the German title today :D I am pissed off with Spookje. Only because she has taken one innocent comment the wrong way, and has now put me in a bad mood. I was already on edge, as her and PezMeister got back together. I'm not annoyed as such, more hurt. I love him. But he loves her. So I am happy for him. Because, when it comes to it. That's all that really matters to me.
I am now friends with TheJoker once again. Lol... My 'true hatred' of him seems to disappear when I see him. My head says hate him. My heart says "Remember his touch" Bloody annoying.
Oh well. That's all really. Bye bye
www.bubblemad.com
Well.. What's new? Hmmm... I am now taking GCSE German. Hence the German title today :D I am pissed off with Spookje. Only because she has taken one innocent comment the wrong way, and has now put me in a bad mood. I was already on edge, as her and PezMeister got back together. I'm not annoyed as such, more hurt. I love him. But he loves her. So I am happy for him. Because, when it comes to it. That's all that really matters to me.
I am now friends with TheJoker once again. Lol... My 'true hatred' of him seems to disappear when I see him. My head says hate him. My heart says "Remember his touch" Bloody annoying.
Oh well. That's all really. Bye bye
www.bubblemad.com
Saturday 20 March 2010
The Concert
Hey all!
Well. Went and saw HIM. WOW. They were, simply amazing. Ville was, as always, stunning. And So was Linde, Mige, Gas and Burton. I was 3 people from the front for most of the concert.. And by the amount of bum touching going on... :/ :P.
That was, so far, one of the best nights of my life. I literally can't say much more. They were superb.In every way. Well done.
They were supported by a fellow band Dommin. And wow. I am at this precise moment listening to some of their music. They are rather good. And after getting hugs from the band and my ticket signed. I am now a fan. 100%
I especially lie their song Dark Holiday. Definitely worth a listen. Youtube them.
Anyway, that' all people. Cya xx
www.bubblemad.com
Well. Went and saw HIM. WOW. They were, simply amazing. Ville was, as always, stunning. And So was Linde, Mige, Gas and Burton. I was 3 people from the front for most of the concert.. And by the amount of bum touching going on... :/ :P.
That was, so far, one of the best nights of my life. I literally can't say much more. They were superb.In every way. Well done.
They were supported by a fellow band Dommin. And wow. I am at this precise moment listening to some of their music. They are rather good. And after getting hugs from the band and my ticket signed. I am now a fan. 100%
I especially lie their song Dark Holiday. Definitely worth a listen. Youtube them.
Anyway, that' all people. Cya xx
www.bubblemad.com
Monday 15 March 2010
Ville Valo and other random stuff
Hey All!
4 days until the HIM concert! WOW! I am so excited. Me, TheBlob and Smurf are off to see them Thursday! I have been looking forward to this for 3 months! And it's finally here! I really hope they play some of the more melancholy songs, or the darker ones, as at the moment I am feeling rather low. But to be honest. Anything will do. I mean this is HIM. They could play Baa Baa Black Sheep and I wouldn't care!
I saw Alice in Wonderland Wednesday. It was awesome. The graphics were breathtakingly amazing, The sound was terrific. It felt like I was there. Another thumbs up to the genius of Tim Burton, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman. That was officially one of the best films I have ever seen. I am definitely getting the DVD.
Well, that's all really. Cya folks
Sunday 14 March 2010
Regrets
Hey All
Sometimes I regret what I put here. I forget that the world can see. That the world is open to their own opinion.
Sometimes I regret what I put here. I forget that the world can see. That the world is open to their own opinion.
Saturday 13 March 2010
In-between Day
Hey All
Today is one of those days. Yesterday was Dad's birthday . Fun times. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Again, fun times. But today. Well, today is a bit of an anticlimax. Nothing to celebrate today. I'm just sat here. Listening to "Heartkiller" by HIM. Typing. How interesting. There is a empty packet of McCoy's next to me. Yum Yum. I am convinced my Teddy is giving me evils. And my cat is showing off her fangs.
My good friend Blonde-Walf wrote a poem recently, China dolls. It is literally the best poem I have read in ages. She has done extremely well. I am so proud. http://blonde-walf.deviantart.com/art/China-Dolls-153719255 Vain as it may seem I like to surround myself with people who are good at something. That can be anything from righting and preforming songs to making me laugh. It doesn't matter to me.
Hmm... Nothing else really to put. Been a boring day lol. See you later folks.
www.bubblemad.com
Today is one of those days. Yesterday was Dad's birthday . Fun times. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Again, fun times. But today. Well, today is a bit of an anticlimax. Nothing to celebrate today. I'm just sat here. Listening to "Heartkiller" by HIM. Typing. How interesting. There is a empty packet of McCoy's next to me. Yum Yum. I am convinced my Teddy is giving me evils. And my cat is showing off her fangs.
My good friend Blonde-Walf wrote a poem recently, China dolls. It is literally the best poem I have read in ages. She has done extremely well. I am so proud. http://blonde-walf.deviantart.com/art/China-Dolls-153719255 Vain as it may seem I like to surround myself with people who are good at something. That can be anything from righting and preforming songs to making me laugh. It doesn't matter to me.
Hmm... Nothing else really to put. Been a boring day lol. See you later folks.
www.bubblemad.com
Friday 12 March 2010
A guy.
Hey All.
Well... What a time I've been having. I recently met this rather cute guy, Woody. He's really nice. He's kind, caring, he understands me. But I still miss PezMeister. I know Woody likes me. I know he really likes me. But I'm scared of leading him on. I'm not ready for another relationship yet. I don't want to give him the wrong idea. As I said. He's cute. He's funny. But he's not PezMeister. Which at the moment is all I want. I don't want to hurt him. I'm not ice hearted. And I don't want to make him fall deeply for me, when ultimately I will break his heart. I'm not saying I will. I just don't know at the moment. I am not ready for any relationship. I miss PezMeister to much. What a mess I am.
I don't know if either PezMeister or Woody read this. I would like to think they do. Although, if PezMeister reads this. He knows how I feel. Shoot! I don't mind if Woody reads this. I just hope it doesn't hurt him.
May sound ... Random. But my Cat Mandrake is sat on my lap. Purring like an engine. What a silly kitten.
Anyway... That's all....
www.bubblemad.com
Well... What a time I've been having. I recently met this rather cute guy, Woody. He's really nice. He's kind, caring, he understands me. But I still miss PezMeister. I know Woody likes me. I know he really likes me. But I'm scared of leading him on. I'm not ready for another relationship yet. I don't want to give him the wrong idea. As I said. He's cute. He's funny. But he's not PezMeister. Which at the moment is all I want. I don't want to hurt him. I'm not ice hearted. And I don't want to make him fall deeply for me, when ultimately I will break his heart. I'm not saying I will. I just don't know at the moment. I am not ready for any relationship. I miss PezMeister to much. What a mess I am.
I don't know if either PezMeister or Woody read this. I would like to think they do. Although, if PezMeister reads this. He knows how I feel. Shoot! I don't mind if Woody reads this. I just hope it doesn't hurt him.
May sound ... Random. But my Cat Mandrake is sat on my lap. Purring like an engine. What a silly kitten.
Anyway... That's all....
www.bubblemad.com
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Giving up
Hey All!
I am giving up. I want PezMeister so much. But he is more interested in Spookje than me.Every relationship I have ends with him dumping me.With one exception. Trying to find a guy who loves every part of me is proving impossible. I have as yet to find someone who can cope with me wholly. A guy who can understand when I am clingy. But also get it when I am distant. A guy who talks to me, rather than keep everything to himself. Maybe it's time to turn to the girls. I've always been attracted to girls. Now I think it's time to act upon that. They will understand when I am moody. They know how it feels to be a girl!
In other news, I am going to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland later. Am very excited! Me, Kenzie, Orange and Deomoia are going as a "We're single... let's at least try and be happy" I'm no really looking forward to the music though. As much as I love Tim Burton's films, most of the music is covers of original songs. Take Jefferson Air plane's White Rabbit, Their is a cover of that on the soundtrack. What is wrong with the original? Am looking forward to it though. It looks really good. Then I need to get the money from Smurf for the HIM concert on the 18th. Another thing I am VERY excited about. Am going up with Smurf and TheBlob. Wow! I wonder... No Ville will NOT go out with me xD
Anyway... No that happy, dreamy note. Bye people
www.bubblemad.com
Monday 8 March 2010
Good mates!
Hey All!
Well... Mates! What can I say? They mean everything to me! My best mate in particular. Kenzie. She has been by my side since I met her 5 years ago. She is one of the only people I can truly relate to, openly talk to and not be scared to admit when I have been dishonest or wrong. I'm not saying things have always been smooth going. We, like any friendship, have had our hard times. But we have also had the good times. We have had those days when we can't stand each other ( thankfully they only lasted a few days at most) and we have had those days where all we want is to see each other. She is truly my best friend. Through and through.
For example, the day PezMeister broke up with me. She was the first person I told. When I broke up with TheJoker. She was the first person to know. When I found out my mother was pregnant ( both times) she knew before any of my other friends. ( And some of my family! ) If anyone knows me truly. It's Kenzie. And I trust her with everything. And anything.
There are things we disagree on. Music for instance. She likes Christian music. I like heavy stuff, and HIM.... I Love HIM! ( Ville Valo *Swoon*) We differ on our taste in guys (most of the time anyway :P ) We differ in dress sense. But we are the same too. We both love first Aid. We both love music in general. We singing. We both go nuts on 'Juicy Drop Pops' and when it comes to chocolate.... Well that's a whole other story.!
So this is to you Kenzie! Thank you for always being here for me!
That's all for today folks!
www.bubblemad.com
Well... Mates! What can I say? They mean everything to me! My best mate in particular. Kenzie. She has been by my side since I met her 5 years ago. She is one of the only people I can truly relate to, openly talk to and not be scared to admit when I have been dishonest or wrong. I'm not saying things have always been smooth going. We, like any friendship, have had our hard times. But we have also had the good times. We have had those days when we can't stand each other ( thankfully they only lasted a few days at most) and we have had those days where all we want is to see each other. She is truly my best friend. Through and through.
For example, the day PezMeister broke up with me. She was the first person I told. When I broke up with TheJoker. She was the first person to know. When I found out my mother was pregnant ( both times) she knew before any of my other friends. ( And some of my family! ) If anyone knows me truly. It's Kenzie. And I trust her with everything. And anything.
There are things we disagree on. Music for instance. She likes Christian music. I like heavy stuff, and HIM.... I Love HIM! ( Ville Valo *Swoon*) We differ on our taste in guys (most of the time anyway :P ) We differ in dress sense. But we are the same too. We both love first Aid. We both love music in general. We singing. We both go nuts on 'Juicy Drop Pops' and when it comes to chocolate.... Well that's a whole other story.!
So this is to you Kenzie! Thank you for always being here for me!
That's all for today folks!
www.bubblemad.com
Sunday 7 March 2010
Addiction
Hey All!
This blog is becoming an addiction. Something I feel I need to do. Like shooting up, having that cigarette. I feel sad when I have finished typing.
I am addicted to many things. Some more dangerous than others. Some addictions I have overcome. Others I still fight with. . I used to be addicted to Marilyn Manson. This may sound like a stupid addiction, but it's not. I really was. I am not any more. Much to the pleasure or Arran my God Mother. She doesn't like him. Sorry Mazza.
Another addiction I have struggled with is Self Harm. The addiction of getting rid of emotional pain with physical pain. What does it achieve you may ask? Well, for me, it stopped the heartache. Stopped the feelings of desertion. For a while at least. You can never truly rid emotional pain, not completely. But you can try. And that is what self harm was for me. A delay, something to distract me. It worked. It still does. Sometimes.
Don't get me wrong. Self harm is not good. Like any addiction, it is something to be avoided. I am not proud of my self harm. The scars never heal. I am sharing this to dissuade you, To show you honestly what it does to you. Why I did. Why I say to anyone. Never self harm. Never.
I could say to you I am addicted to Chocolate, Cookies maybe even FFX. All things that in small amounts are good. But huge quantity are inadvisable. (Apart from FFX, that's an awesome game) But these aren't true addictions. Take me away from them and I won't go insane with need for them. I may mourn for them. long for them. But I won't go rabid for them.
Well, that's all for today,
See ya soon
www.bubblemad.com
This blog is becoming an addiction. Something I feel I need to do. Like shooting up, having that cigarette. I feel sad when I have finished typing.
I am addicted to many things. Some more dangerous than others. Some addictions I have overcome. Others I still fight with. . I used to be addicted to Marilyn Manson. This may sound like a stupid addiction, but it's not. I really was. I am not any more. Much to the pleasure or Arran my God Mother. She doesn't like him. Sorry Mazza.
Another addiction I have struggled with is Self Harm. The addiction of getting rid of emotional pain with physical pain. What does it achieve you may ask? Well, for me, it stopped the heartache. Stopped the feelings of desertion. For a while at least. You can never truly rid emotional pain, not completely. But you can try. And that is what self harm was for me. A delay, something to distract me. It worked. It still does. Sometimes.
Don't get me wrong. Self harm is not good. Like any addiction, it is something to be avoided. I am not proud of my self harm. The scars never heal. I am sharing this to dissuade you, To show you honestly what it does to you. Why I did. Why I say to anyone. Never self harm. Never.
I could say to you I am addicted to Chocolate, Cookies maybe even FFX. All things that in small amounts are good. But huge quantity are inadvisable. (Apart from FFX, that's an awesome game) But these aren't true addictions. Take me away from them and I won't go insane with need for them. I may mourn for them. long for them. But I won't go rabid for them.
Well, that's all for today,
See ya soon
www.bubblemad.com
Saturday 6 March 2010
Contemplation
Hey All
Am in a bit of a blogging mood today! Partly as an outlet to my emotions. Partly as something to do. I am currently sat at my computer, Troy is playing on my PS2 and I am talking to PezMeister via MSN. A smile is creeping round my mouth, death does that to me. One of the main ( and rather attractive ) characters have died. Fun stuff.
I have been really contemplative recently. Wondering the fate of those who cross my path. Wondering if I will ever find true love. Wondering why? Why the stars are in their patterns, why blood is red. Why am I who I am? What makes me, well, me. I have a quote from Hamlet to Ophelia in my head "Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt thou the sun doth moon. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt." This means allot to me. It is a lyric in 'Opheliac' a song by Emilie Autumn. One of my favourite songs. It is written all over my room. An Iconic quote. Telling me not to doubt. If only life was as simple. Whilst righting this I have come to the conclusion that life is full of mystery. Full of questions that stay unanswered. And try as we might, we cannot answer them. They will stay in our minds, haunting our thoughts in the darkest hours of the night. Fleeting glimpses of what life could be like, if only we could answer them. Answer the impossible questions.
Well, that's all really, something to think about, a conversation starter.
Ttyl
www.bubblemad.com
Am in a bit of a blogging mood today! Partly as an outlet to my emotions. Partly as something to do. I am currently sat at my computer, Troy is playing on my PS2 and I am talking to PezMeister via MSN. A smile is creeping round my mouth, death does that to me. One of the main ( and rather attractive ) characters have died. Fun stuff.
I have been really contemplative recently. Wondering the fate of those who cross my path. Wondering if I will ever find true love. Wondering why? Why the stars are in their patterns, why blood is red. Why am I who I am? What makes me, well, me. I have a quote from Hamlet to Ophelia in my head "Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt thou the sun doth moon. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt." This means allot to me. It is a lyric in 'Opheliac' a song by Emilie Autumn. One of my favourite songs. It is written all over my room. An Iconic quote. Telling me not to doubt. If only life was as simple. Whilst righting this I have come to the conclusion that life is full of mystery. Full of questions that stay unanswered. And try as we might, we cannot answer them. They will stay in our minds, haunting our thoughts in the darkest hours of the night. Fleeting glimpses of what life could be like, if only we could answer them. Answer the impossible questions.
Well, that's all really, something to think about, a conversation starter.
Ttyl
www.bubblemad.com
Friday 5 March 2010
A week of Weirdness
Hey All!
This has been yet another interesting week. I haven’t seen PezMeister since last Friday. I still miss him so much. He meant everything to me, and now there is an emptyeness which I find unable to fill. He was more than a boyfriend to me. He was my other half. Litteraly. I could tell him anything. I never felt siy sharing just the littlest thing with him. Yet now, there is this barrier between us. His brick wall that is stopping me reaching him the way I used to. No matter how hard I push, the wall never falters. It never breaks. Never crumbles. In my dreams he is always present. The most recent of which hurt the most.
We were walking down a path me and my ex ( TheJoker) used to walk down. We stopped part way down and he told me he no longer loved me. At this point I realise we are holing hands and he lets go. He turns around and walks away from me. As I watch him TheJoker appears and he kisses me. The walks away too.
Any of you who know me will know how much I truly hate TheJoker. How he prayed on me when I was vulnerable and can’t handle my strenght. How he hurt me. How he destroyed me. So why was he in my dream. To feed upon the hurt I feel away from PezMeister?
I don’t know.
That’s all for now.
www.bubblemad.com
Monday 1 March 2010
Oh dear!
Hey All!
Well, what a week. I have had the fortune of being dumped! Lovely. I am, as you may imadgen, Devistated. I really loved him. And up untill the day before he broke up with me, I truly beleived he loved me too. And it's all to easy to say, "Who cares?" or "Ya know, we're still mates and all" But the truth is, everytime I see him I want to hug him, cry on his shoulder, kiss him. And I can't. And yeah, we are still mates, we still hang out together, I still plat his hair. But that dosen't stop the pain. In fact it intensifyes it.
I can just about cope being around him, untill he looks at me in the eye, or he plays Final Fantasy on his guitar, or he smiles. I think I really was in love, not just the usual teenage infatuation. I think I still am. Even though there is now that barrier of not kissing him, not holding him. I still want to spend my every moment with him. What is wrong with me?
His reasons for breakig up were as follows -
I am too clingy
I am too young
I am 2 years younger than him.
I did have a day where I was clingy, that's depression for you. I'm not saying his reasons are wrong, this was his deision. I just wish with all I have that he could maybe oneday reconsider. That to me would be sinking back into the dram come true he is to me.
Anyways, sorry for the rather depressing post today.
Talk soon xx
P.S I still love you PezMeister
http://www.bubblemad.com/
Well, what a week. I have had the fortune of being dumped! Lovely. I am, as you may imadgen, Devistated. I really loved him. And up untill the day before he broke up with me, I truly beleived he loved me too. And it's all to easy to say, "Who cares?" or "Ya know, we're still mates and all" But the truth is, everytime I see him I want to hug him, cry on his shoulder, kiss him. And I can't. And yeah, we are still mates, we still hang out together, I still plat his hair. But that dosen't stop the pain. In fact it intensifyes it.
I can just about cope being around him, untill he looks at me in the eye, or he plays Final Fantasy on his guitar, or he smiles. I think I really was in love, not just the usual teenage infatuation. I think I still am. Even though there is now that barrier of not kissing him, not holding him. I still want to spend my every moment with him. What is wrong with me?
His reasons for breakig up were as follows -
I am too clingy
I am too young
I am 2 years younger than him.
I did have a day where I was clingy, that's depression for you. I'm not saying his reasons are wrong, this was his deision. I just wish with all I have that he could maybe oneday reconsider. That to me would be sinking back into the dram come true he is to me.
Anyways, sorry for the rather depressing post today.
Talk soon xx
P.S I still love you PezMeister
http://www.bubblemad.com/
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